I don't want to write

Sorry it's been a while

I’I don’t want to write. 

The thought of writing feels like pulling the pin on a grenade. I can’t control the explosion. I can’t control the pain that rushes in not only because of the one precious loss, but all the loss. 

I want desperately to have written. To have come to the place where somehow these words on this page assuage the deep grief, the burni…